W.22. Become a good conversationalist. cap 7

For example, I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher. I had never talked with a botanist before, and I found him fascinat-ing. I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and i had a small indoor gren of my thermand eat.
good enough to tell me how to solve some of my prob-lems.
As I said, we were at a dinner party. There must have been a dozen other guests, but I violated all the canons of courtesy, ignored everyone else, and talked for hours to the botanist.
Midnight came. I said good night to everyone and departed. The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering compliments. I was "most stimulating." I was this and I was that, and he ended by saying I was a "most interesting conversationalist." An interesting conversationalist? Why, I had said hardly anything at all. I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to without changing the subject, for I didn't know any more about botany than I knew about the anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this: I had listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely inter-ested. And he felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone. "Few human beings," wrote Jack Woodford in Strangers in Love, "few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention." I went even further than giving him rapt attention. I was
"hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise."
I told him that I had been immensely entertained and instructed-and I had. I told him I wished I had his knowledge-and I did. I told him that I should love to wander the felds with him-and I have. I told him I must see him again-and I did.
And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk.

The principle is: Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.